July 30, 2010. And if you ask Gabe he will say July 30, 2010 at 10:33 p.m. Most people gauge time in either weeks, months, seasons, holidays, etc. especially when we have school aged children. I use to do the same. Having breast cancer and numerous surgeries changed my concept of time. I began to gauge time in 2 week increments and 3 month increments due to my procedures. I even measured time by days. Every day that I woke up in pain, I would pray for the day to go by quickly so I could wake up the next day hoping the pain had eased. Love made me start gauging time by the hour, then half hour, & minutes.........If you ever want time to fly by, just fall in love. It's a guarantee!
Thinking back to that night in July, I remember thinking that if he didn't make the first move, I would. I am a very outgoing person and I have no problems meeting people. But then I thought, oh no I can't! I had no plans on being out that night. Diane and I were going to an event at a local pub and we were only suppose to be there for a couple of hours. Several hours later , I am out in a tube top, jeans, flip flops, pony tail, and not hardly a stitch of make up on my face. Not to mention, Diane and I had been in the Springs all day and I needed a shower. I was certainly not looking my best or close to it. To top it all off, I was healing from surgery #2. I had the implant surgery just a few weeks prior and while I seemingly looked like I was healthy & "normal" , I wasn't. But there was something happening that night. I sensed it. After 3 minutes of conversation with him, I wanted to know all he was willing to share with me. After 3 hours, I knew I would be spending alot of time with him.
Make no mistake, just because I had been through hell and back recently, I was not vulernable when I met him. I was very happy with my life and for the first time in my adult life, I was happy being single. I was also beginning to accept the "battle wounds" from breast cancer and look at them as proof of being a survivor. Without doubt, I truly know that I am a Warrior Princess.
Without knowing his character, I was afraid of scaring him away that first night. I mean afterall, who would want to get involved with someone who had just gone through cancer, all of the complications, and future surgeries? He made it very clear from the beginning that he was interested and if he was scared.......I never saw it. He always focuses on the positive.
Two weeks after meeting Gabe, it was my birthday weekend. I had spent Friday the 13th at the Stanley Hotel with my girls and had plans that Saturday night to meet up with girlfriends. I told him he was welcome to meet up with us. I can not remember the last time I was that nervous. He felt "familiar" to me even from the first night yet he also made me nervous. I didn't understand it at all. I don't get nervous.The anticipation I felt waiting for him to get there is hard to put into the right words. 7 months later, the anticipation is even greater......because I love him. So Saturday night comes, I'm meeting my girlfriends for dinner & drinks and he was joining us because A. our plans were already made when I met him and B. I already knew I liked him that much and I wanted Carolyn and Lola's take on him. They approved ;-) And C. Did I mention he made me nervous?
August 14, 2010 was a turning point for me in my life. He made me forget I was healing from surgery and still waiting for the next surgery to take place. He unknowingly made me forget.......in an instant.
The other morning Gabe says to me that I make him so happy and that he didn't even know he was unhappy to begin with. After all, he was happy being single as well. We really were not looking. We both just kind of showed up in the other person's world.
7 months later, I still can't believe he is in my life. When he looks at me he takes my breath away just like he did in the very beginning. Meeting him has taught me so much about unconditional love. Being a mom, of course I love my kids unconditionally. This is different. Loving ourselves unconditionally is a hard thing to do I think. He has shown me that I am worth it though, right now......in this moment.....scars & all.
And I love him unconditionally. I don't know that I understood this concept until now (unless it referred to my children or family) . I know that none of us are perfect and that sometimes we don't always make the best choices when using our words. I have prayed every single day since I met him for God to guide my path with him. My words........my thoughts.....and my actions. Not only to protect me or my girls , but also to protect him. He is worth it! He is a huge blessing in my life and such an amazing, unexpected gift. My life path hasn't been very easy so far but his hasn't either. I would spend the rest of my life appreciating him and loving him if given the opportunity.
So for the past few months, I have been healing from surgery #3, selling new homes, being a mom, trying to find a balance, and falling in love.....and when doubt does creep into my thoughts, I always keep it to myself but am always reassured by the way he says "but you made it" or "I'm so glad you're here." I'm very grateful that I'm here too. I couldn't imagine being anywhere else.
So to Gabe I say thank you for "showing up" in my world. Thank you for always reminding me that I am worth it.
Love always,
Your Beautiful Belle
