Waiting for New Headlights ;-)

“The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender.”



Emil Ludwig quote

This is one of my favorite quotes. We live in such a casual society in the year 2010 , but that hasn’t always been the case. None of us are perfect, I’m sure most of us have had a few ‘casual’ experiences once or twice in our lifetime. It’s all part of the growing process I think. However, I am now very careful who I let into my life, casual or not.



Sometimes in life, the Universe has a way of giving us a gift at just the right moment in our lives, even when we aren’t expecting it and especially when we aren’t looking for it. I think people tend to worry about if it’s going to be theirs for a short time or whether or not it’s a gift for keeps ….when we should just be savoring the moment , taking each day as it comes, appreciating the gift.






Breast cancer has a way of making even the prettiest girl feel like the ugly duckling. If she is a very good actress, she can hide this from anyone in the world. I no longer feel ugly, just incomplete. Being known as “a cute girl” has always had its perks throughout life ; there are also disadvantages. When it’s your looks that normally draw people in first, breast cancer for me feels like a repeated slap in the face. Being single & attractive and going through breast cancer taught me a lot about what I really wanted people to not only see, but also appreciate. Most guys I meet out there are only interested in the surface, the surface that appears normal when I am fully clothed. How will they handle the underneath, the scarring that left permanent physical and emotional damage? I am more afraid of freaking someone else out by the sight of my chest right now rather than how it would make me feel for someone else to see it. Personally, it’s still very hard for me to look at yet somehow, I also feel beautiful and sensual and deserving………



I know I appear very confident & strong; for the most part, I am. I also think there’s a part in all of us though that has the desire to be wanted, longed for. Breast cancer almost made me vulnerable. I say almost because through some of my weakest moments, I truly realized for the first time in my life I wanted to meet someone who could see beyond the pretty face and petite figure. I wanted to meet someone who could hold my interest for longer than 10 minutes, someone who asked questions……..someone who  wants to peel off all of the surface layers and see what’s underneath and appreciate it. Beauty really is more than skin deep.


I no longer surround myself with anyone who seems like a “compromise”. Being single and going through my ordeal created many doubts in my mind and there were/are so many what ifs……some of the what ifs have fallen away recently and I will be forever grateful…..I have learned in the past month that if a gift is dropped into my life, there are no what ifs…..it just is.

 I am truly grateful and I am savoring the moment.




Stronger due to wiping away my own tears,






LeAnna